Monday, December 17, 2007

esperando

I got my first solid dose of christmas music last night, provided by the two british girls staying in my dorm. It got me all mushy and sentimental missing all the amazing people I am blessed to have in my life and wondering why I am purposely putting so much space between us. Traveling makes you ask that question a lot, more than I would really like. The flip side is that it makes you appreciate everything. Patricia inspired me to start a list of ¨why I love my home,¨it includes good beer, mt. Tam, the civic center farmers market, the marin boathouse, super easy super casual dinners, marin trails, and of course friends and family.
I am doubly blessed right now, because one of the best parts of home is coming to visit me in the form of my mom. It will be nice to share amazing Guatemala with someone so special. Great as friends that you meet traveling are, it is nice to have someone from home to ground you, and be bowled over by the beauty of a Lake At├Čtlan sunrise while standing right next to you.
Its been an interesting last couple of weeks for me. I think that meditating twice a day, talking about astral traveling, and reading buddhist texts does that to a person. Traveling brings up all the same issues too, impermenance, uncertainty, lonliness. Issues that are easier to ignore in the rhythm of a more structured life. The thing that I am seeing is that there is a lot of truth in the statement that ¨fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.¨ And if Pema is right, and enlightenment is ¨total fearlessness,¨I am glad I am out on the road, because a lot of it scares the shit out of me. Predictability is lost out here. Comfort and familiarity take on a new meaning because they are infrequent guests in my life. But the challenge and difficulties are worth it because each sunrise, each new friend, and each good cup of coffee represents a lot of adventure.

2 comments:

Victor said...

Gem, very beautiful and thoughtful posting. Have a great time with your mom.

xox

Dad

Annmarie said...

oooh i like this one!